Fake it till you make it, right!?

" Fake it till you make it!" is what I always tell myself when I am having a bad day, week, month, etc. and it usually works great for me. I put a smile on my face and pretend like nothing is bothering me, until that actually becomes the case. I'm not going to lie, the last couple of weeks have been rough on me, and not because something huge and horrible happened, but because I was (and still kind of am) in a funk that I couldn't snap out of it. Multiple times I thought about writing a blog post and letting the word vomit flow out, but I didn't think anyone would want to hear about my petty and unimportant issues, so I decided against it. However, it hit me the other day, that not writing a post is counter-productive to what this whole blog stands for. I started this to push myself to be more open and transparent, and I guess that means even when I don't have something inspirational or encouraging to say. So, here goes nothing...

Feel free to click the exit button now. No hard feelings. 

Statistics say that roughly 91% of all women struggle with some sort of body image issue and I am no exclusion. Anyone who knows me, knows that the reflection I see in the mirror is no where close to what I actually look like. I have such a distorted view of myself, so much so, that when people compliment me, I sometimes wonder if they are just blowing smoke, because I have no idea how they could actually think I'm "pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, etc." My body image issues and low self-esteem is something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. However, since starting this journey of becoming the best me possible, I have had less "bad days" and more "good days." I'm starting to find what I do like about myself (inside and out), but the "bad days" are still there and they affect me more than the "good days". The last couple of weeks have been a "bad day" for me. I've been feeling like I work my butt off for very little result, and that no matter how much I change my body, I still won't be happy with myself. I let the way I see myself physically affect the way I see myself as a person. In some distorted way, I've always thought that being skinny and pretty would automatically make me loved and wanted by others. I have equated outward appearance with my worth. I've often caught myself thinking,  "it doesn't matter if I am a loving, funny, smart, giving, and down-to-earth person. All that matters is the way I look. That is all people, especially men, care about." 

The flood of negative thoughts are completely detrimental to any positive progress I have made on my self-image. Satan is trying to bring me down, and you know what, it is working. I can't see that I have already lost 30lbs and have gained a new healthy lifestyle. All I can see is that I am nowhere near my goal, and it seems completely impossible to reach. It is in moments like this, when it is so important to remember that I have a God who is more powerful than the enemy could ever fathom to be. Slowly, and day by day, God is bringing me out of the darkness and showing me that I am worthy, wonderful, and BEAUTIFUL. I may not be society's or some man's standard of beautiful, but I AM GOD'S STANDARD of beautiful. 

" I praise You, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. " 

Psalms 139:14 (NIV) 

God has made me [and you] in His image, and how dare I criticize His work. He placed every hair, freckle, muscle, vein, blood cell, etc. with the utmost precision and design. He created ME!! He thought I was worthy enough to bring me into existence and mold me into the woman I am today. A woman who is striving to be a better version of herself [physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually], and I am sure as hell not going to let the enemy defeat me. I am going to let God pick me up of the ground, dust myself off, and keep trucking along! I AM WORTH IT. I am worth feeling beautiful and amazing... and with God's help, I WILL get there!