Standards

Ladies (and gentlemen), it’s about time we raise our standards.

I don’t know about many of you, but A LOT of my friends have come to me lately and expressed that they have lost faith in the opposite sex. I've heard things like, “all men are assholes” and “there are no good men left.” While, I have had instances when I whole-heartily agree, I know in my heart that is not the case, and that there are still amazing Godly men out there. Maybe the problem isn't the men who act like douchebags. Maybe it is us. The ones who let them get away with it.

Our society, as a whole, has allowed this “douchebag” mentality to become something that is acceptable. In fact, just the other night, I was talking to a guy about hooking him up on a blind date with one of my friends, and he said, “I don’t know if that is a good idea. I’m a bit of a jerk and a man whore.” While, I appreciate his honesty, I was appalled that he thinks it okay to be that way. He figures if he warns people ahead of time, than he can’t be held accountable for his douche-y actions later. As much as I want to go on a rant about this, I will refrain myself, because this blog isn't about the douchebag men. It’s about raising our standards so that we don’t ever have to date men like that. It’s about learning how to find the “good ones.”

Now, I am definitely no expert when it comes to relationships and love, but I like to think of myself as quite an observant person.  Because of that, I have gained a ton of knowledge, just by watching other people fail (and succeed) in their relationship endeavors. Do you know what I noticed most about all of the failed relationships? It’s simple really. One person (if not both) settled for less than they deserve. A red flag or warning sign was ignored, because they so desperately wanted to be in a relationship and to be loved. As humans, our basic desire is to be loved, so it makes sense as to why people settle in relationships. They get that “love”, even if it is for a short time, before the red flag(s) can no longer be ignored, and everything falls apart. Before I make myself sound like a pessimist when it comes to love, let me explain how I think you can find a good and lasting relationship.

Standards. It all comes down to standards. Not only the standards you have for a partner, but also, for yourself. It is 100% okay to have high standards when it comes to the man (or woman) of your dreams. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not including “preferences” into my term of standards. I actually think a lot more people would find their match, if they were a bit more flexible on their preferences. (Etc. blonde vs. brunette, blue eyes vs. brown eyes, super model vs. average beauty) You get the picture. However, when it comes to your standards, you should be absolutely firm on them. Date only the type of person you could see yourself marrying. Stop messing around with people you know you have no future with. It wastes both of your time.

Expect highly of people, and the ones who are worth it, will rise to the occasion. Those “douchebags” won’t even be a ding on your radar, because you know what you want and what you deserve, and they're definitely not it. However, it’s not really fair to expect a lot from someone else, if you aren't willing to be held to those same standards. Start living your life with high standards and work on becoming the best version of yourself. You owe it to the person you will spend the rest of your life with.

I truly believe that God only brings the “right one” into your life when both parties are ready. So, if both people are consistently working on bettering themselves and their relationship with Christ, then their paths are bound to cross at the right [and divine] moment. Sometimes, this means one person has to wait a little longer for “the one”, because the other isn't quite ready yet. I don’t know about you, but I’m okay with waiting, for however long it takes, for the man of my dreams. (Just as long as I get to have him at some point). He is worth it. He is worth the wait.

So these are my questions for you… Are you willing to hold yourself and the people you date to a high standard? Are you willing to not let the “douchebags” have a place in your life just because you want the temporary “love” they can give you? AND are you willing to wait, for however long it takes, for the one that God created for you?

… I know I am.

Signed,

A 26 year old woman who has never been in a relationship, because my standards are HIGH.