What wins?

At what point does a person's heart and personality matter more than what they look like?

I've been having quite a few conversations lately about this subject matter, so I thought I would weigh in and give you my thoughts. Whether you want them or not.

Before you read any further, write down (or think of) a list of "must haves" when it comes to your spouse. How many of those "must haves" are based on a person's appearance? Now, how many are based on their character and personality? Did you list a preference for almost every physical attribute? EX: must have brunette hair, blue eyes, straight teeth, muscular build, abs, hair on their chest, etc... OR does your list look a little more like this: Must be able to make me laugh, love the outdoors, be a family man, humble, caring, giving, etc. Maybe your list is a combination of both, as I would guess is the case for the majority of you.

Here is my question for you though, based on the list you made, what attributes would you be willing to give up in order to find "the one"? This is just my opinion, but I would definitely let go of what I thought I wanted my spouse to look like, as opposed to who they are and what they value. Are you the same way? Or do you care a lot more about the way someone looks?

I'm not here to put anyone down for what they value when it comes to finding a significant other, however, I do think society and the media has put such a high value on a person's appearance, that we have forgotten to look a person's heart. Having a preference or a "type" is fine, but if it becomes the most important thing to you, then you have it all wrong. I hate to break it to you, but you can't grow old with someone's looks, you can, however, grow old with their heart and soul. Your spouse's looks are going to change, for better and worse, over the course of your marriage, but who they are will always remain the same.

Have you ever had a situation when you weren't particularly attracted to someone at first, but after spending time with them and getting to know them, they become so attractive in your eyes? I know I have. In fact, it has happened a couple of times. I was so wildly attracted to their heart and personality that their outward appearance became stunning to me as well. I truly believe that your attraction to someone can grow as you get to know them.

Is your checklist of what you are looking for in a spouse hindering you from finding "the one"? In some cases, I would venture to say it is. People have bought into what society is telling them. You must "look good" with your significant other and you must, first and foremost, be attracted to them. First of all, what is this crap about "looking good" with someone? I don't care if anyone else thinks my spouse and I " look good" together as long as we are attracted to and love one another. Now, don't get me wrong, I do believe there needs to be that level of attraction between the two people, whether it is established at first glance, or later down the line, but, how many of you have turned someone down strictly because they aren't your "type"? If you have, I think you are selling yourself short, and limiting your chances in finding the one you are meant to be with.

I encourage you to not hold so tightly to your "type" and open your heart to different kinds of people. You never know, you might be pleasantly surprised. Looks are not what make up who someone is, not matter how hard society and the media try to convince us otherwise.

What do you think? Weigh-in in the comment section below or on facebook. Single and married people alike, I would love your opinion on this matter.

Sometimes you go crazy.

For those of you who know me, you know that I pride myself on being a strong woman. I hate seeming or being "weak." I don't judge others who can be open about their weakness and brokenness, but it's just not something I do well, or openly. I like people to think that I have it all together. Keyword being, "think" that I have it all together. And, as much as it hurts my pride to admit this, I don't have it together. Not even close.  

I hate this blog. I hate that God put it on my heart months ago to be more open with my triumphs and trials. I especially hate that the things that I want to keep private, are the very things God urges me to share with others. I don't want anyone to know that I may have weak moments. I have this fear that people will see me differently, and less than, if I let them see my brokenness. 

Let me say this again, I HATE BEING WEAK, and that is exactly how I feel.  

Why you ask? 

I went crazy. Bat-s*** crazy. Like, complete emotional, mental, and physical breakdown. There for awhile, I thought they were going to put me in a straight jacket and lock me away in a padded room. I was completely happy one day, and then the next all I could do was cry. I started having panic attacks, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and didn't have the drive or energy to do anything. I found it hard to just function. I joke with my family that I knew things weren't right when "this fatty didn't want to eat." (Now, don't go getting all mad that I called myself a fatty. It's just a joke. I think I can joke about my weight, since I won't be a fatty for much longer) But, in all seriousness, I didn't eat for a week and a half, and that's when I knew I needed to figure out what was going on with me. I knew this was no longer just some stress I was going through. In fact, I usually thrive under stress, but this time it was different. It was something more complex and deeper rooted. 

I swallowed my pride and made a doctors appointment. Long story short, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Me? Depressed? How can that be? I was literally as happy as could be before I went "crazy" one day. It was like a switch went off in my brain demanding that I could no longer be happy. Like I wasn't allowed or something. I don't even know what I am "depressed" about. How can you be depressed and not know what about? It makes no sense to me.

Before all of this, I honestly thought being "diagnosed" with depression was laughable. I thought people who had "depression" were just sad about something and couldn't pull on their big girl panties and get over it. I've had friends and family who have gone through depression, and as much as I tried to understand what they were feeling, I couldn't. I couldn't fathom being so upset about something that it interrupted your daily life. I've been through my fair share of crap in life, and I never once felt the way I do now. I now understand that depression isn't something you can control. You don't decide to have it. I would give it away in a heartbeat. I miss being my normal happy-go-lucky self. I would do anything just to feel the joy I felt before. Depression is like a thief who breaks into your soul and steals away your joy. It can happen in an instance (as it did me). 

Depression/anxiety won't defeat me. I'm stronger than it is. It can temporarily steal my happiness, but it won't win. I have an amazing God who is stronger than anyone or anything. He meets me in my darkness. When I'm too weak to stand, that is when He picks me up and carries me. I choose God. I choose joy. 

It's a daily struggle, but with God's help, I can find joy in the little things again. I can laugh again. I can smile again. It's going to take a while to get back to my "old self", but I know I will get there. I can't give up. I have to keep fighting for my happiness. 

Now, some of you probably still don't understand what I am going through, and that's okay. Before all of this, I didn't even think depression was a real thing, and I definitely had no idea how suddenly and forcefully it can hit. You can never truly understand what someone with depression is going through or feeling, but I'm hoping that this post will enlighten a few people. I'm horribly embarrassed to admit to the world (or the 100 people who read this blog) that I am struggling with this, but if I can encourage or impact just one person's life with this post, than it is totally worth my embarrassment. 

If any of you are going through the same thing, and feel like to you have no one to talk to, please reach out to me. Know that you are not alone. God is always with you, and He will never leave you. We can (and WILL) get through it together. 

Contact info: 

- You can find me on Facebook or email me at Kendra.K.Schneider@gmail.com 

FYI/UPDATE: 

My doctor and I are currently trying to find a depression/anxiety medication to help. I have also scheduled an appointment with a psychologist to try and figure out what is at the root of all of this. This is fixable, and I am doing everything in my power to do so.